I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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