Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
