I must be too annoying 4 u.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
