I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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