I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
