I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
