i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
