Dual....:-)
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I want to make a zoo with you.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Randomize
