Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
