you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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