He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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