Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
