I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
