this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
