Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
