Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
