Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
