There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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