some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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