when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I am spending my child support on dildos
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
