I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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