Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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