The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
