he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
