Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
