he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
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Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
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Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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