i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
