My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
