my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
