Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
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