I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
