Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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