You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
