just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
