Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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