why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
