Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
