Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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