the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
