I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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