As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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