the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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