Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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