if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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