Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
