your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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