Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Come see our sink grown plant.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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