This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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