i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
