I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
