We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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