We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
