I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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