If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
where are my eyebrows?
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