You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
