Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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