Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
