whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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