everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
