Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
