She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
