i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Found your dick twin last night
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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