in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
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