She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
