i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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