After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
