i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
