I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
