none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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