Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
