You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
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I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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