is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I had to cum in my sink.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
