O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
